Warning: Contents Not As Sexy As They Appear
A few weeks ago, with the Hong Kong Book Fair coming up as well the Asia Adult Expo on the horizon, HKH thought it was time to get back into doing some research for you, dear reader. And since 95% of the media coverage of the book fair was revolving the shameful (shameful!) attendance of the pseudo models or “leng mo”, it was obvious that I should check out some of the video and photographic offerings of the Queen Pseudo, Chrissie Chau. All of which is to say that her dvd “Les Vacances d’Amour” was sitting at the check out counter at 7-11 and my impulse buy was either going to be that or a can of lamb placenta. Also, 3-D, with goofy glasses included. Sold!
I trotted (fine. sprinted) home and showed The Girl my new purchase. Being the investigative journalist that she is, and because her new job will require watching lots of awful movies, she agreed to watch this tour de force with me.
We tried, and failed to get the 3-D option to work. Possibly because we are dumb, or possibly because the “3-D” technology is like most things slapped together in these parts (read: half-assed) and we could not tell the difference between the various versions.
Aaaaannd open scene:
We start off with Chrissie, sans make up (goodbye illusion, it’s been nice knowing you), on a plane and yammering into a camera. Fine. We can deal. Sports Illustrated pioneered this kind of “Let’s let the guys get a glimpse into the behind scenes thoughts and lives of the models, because, yeah, they give a shit.” And I have learned to live with/fast forward through it.
Said plane lands and we are in Fraunce (squeal!). Ooh la la, this is going to be tres sexy et romantique. Chrissie then launches into some cutesy poses at various locations around the city (Nice?) Cut to me 10 minutes later wondering why she has remained almost fully clothed the entire time. WTH? Then The Girl figures it out. She’s been running around, talking into the camera, acting like a 13 year on a sight seeing field trip during a caffeine bender because it’s supposed to be a date. YOU, dear viewer, are on a DATE with Chrissie Chau! And, just like your last date, it’s clear you are going to be woefully disappointed.
So, we get what seems like 2 hours of Chrissie running around being totally ignored by/annoying the locals, which speaks volumes. How much sexy and/or “it” do you have to lack to gain no attention whatsoever on a photo shoot? Methinks a lot. I have to give it to the French, they can’t fight for a damn, but they know contrived and amateurish attempts at sexy when they see it. Also, it does not help that I am sure that the camera “crew” was one guy with a hand held camera from Fortress.
By the end of the date, I really had one question? Who finds this sexy? Hong Kong guys? Chinese in general? Asians in general? I am being serious. Or, was this actually intended to be this dippy and harmless, because if this is the kind of stuff that threatens the monks at the Hong Kong Book Fair, it goes a loooong way toward explaining this. Hang your collective heads in shame Hong Kong.
