Hong Kong Hitch

Online Dating Review: Match.com (Part 1)

Jul 022010

I know that there are other more widely used sites in Hong Kong, but I am starting with sites that exist in the U.S. but that also have a presence internationally. So, match.com gets the treatment today.

Match is probably the best known site in the U.S. and maybe considered the most legitimate. I am sure that it has the most users overall, other than maybe yahoo personals, which is just a total crap fest.

My personal experience with Match has been mixed at best. I have had quick and easy hookups and met a few women that I dated briefly. Mostly though, Match gets a big Fail. Now this didn’t used to be so, but some new “improvements” over the last couple years have made it fairly disappointing.

The number one problem is that their subscription model is expensive and they try to lock you in for the long term. The problem is that most people don’t go for it so there are tons of profiles of people who have not been on the site for ages. Also, they do their best to lure you back with very shady practices. For example, if you happen to have, say, only a month-to-month subscription, the minute you cancel, you will miraculously get an email or a wink, even if you have not gotten one in months. I am positive that this is because they bump up the visibility of your profile when you stop paying in order to get you come back because you think someone is interested in you. However, since you can’t see crap if you are not paying, you can’t see if it’s a goddess or a troll that is winking at you. And let’s face it, which do you think it usually is?

Not her…

And therein lies their biggest flaw. Some sites let you at least see who’s checking out your profile or winking or writing you, no matter what level your subscription is. So, you can make a choice about whether you want to spend the money to get to write that person. Match just wants you to throw good money after bad.

As far as I’m concerned, Match has nothing going for it over a handful of other sites but the fact that it has the largest pool of people, paid or not. But I’ll continue with a soon to come post and provide a handy dandy trick to get around their crap.

New Date Site Alert!: Zhenai.com

Online Dating Review No Responses »

Mar 182010

Recently HKH spent a night at East, a swanky new hotel in Taikoo (who knew?) to do a review of the place that The Girl is writing for a big old fashioned print newspaper (yes, they still exist). Over a nice (but not great) breakfast, I stumbled upon an article in the South China Morning Post about a new online dating site called Zhenai.com.

I won’t be reviewing right this moment because, well, it’s in Chinese and I can still barely ask where the bathroom in Mandarin, much less read anything. But, Google translate will come to the rescue, I’ll sign up and give you a full report soon. In the meantime, here’s what the story had to say in part (via Divaasia) :

“HONG KONG – It is definitely not perfect, but the world’s largest matchmaking website for the Chinese believes mathematical calculation is a good guide to pairing off couples.

For the rising number of single women in China who are well past their marriageable age but still looking for an ideal spouse, the Beijing-based www.zhenai.com is a beacon of hope with its brand of ‘scientific matching’.

Using the mathematical knowledge he learnt at Cornell University, chief executive Li Song has come up with the perfect dress code for charming one’s potential mate – from hairstyles to the shade of one’s tights, the South China Morning Post said in a report yesterday.

And all this is retrievable from a database which the multimillionaire has painstakingly built up, the paper added.

Holding a doctorate in finance from Cornell, Dr Li worked as an investment banker in New York and then Hong Kong before returning to mainland China to apply quantitative finance to love.

He bought a free-dating site in 1998 and subsequently transformed it into an integrated Internet and call centre matchmaking service.

Zhenai.com, which means ‘cherished love’, is now the largest matchmaking site for the Chinese in the world, boasting 400 call centre matchmakers, 23 million registered members and a daily sign-up rate of 30,000.

Explaining why he goes for ‘mathematical matchmaking’, Dr Li said: ‘Because my background is more mathematically inclined, and I don’t have a (psychological) theory to begin with.’ He added: ‘What I do is based on statistical results, reverse engineering, and make it a learning process.’

He said: ‘It’s an iterative process, so you try to match people and then you study the profiles of the people who have dated successfully and put this back into your database.’

Dr Li believes there is much room for his company to grow as it fills ‘the need for a convenient, online version of a traditional matchmaking agency’ at a time when ‘everyone devotes most of their time to their jobs’ and has little time for spouse-hunting.

Besides, his female clientele is fast expanding as more ‘triple high’ women – those with high education, a high salary and a high job position – are being left high and dry as their male peers prefer lower earners.

It does not help that many of these women – meanly called ‘Great Sage that Rivals Heaven’ in China, a name referring to the Monkey King of Chinese legend as ‘sage’ sounds the same in Mandarin as ‘leftover’ – have high expectations of their Mr Right.

There are roughly half a million single women aged between 25 and 50 living in Beijing, with the number reaching a million in Shanghai, the newspaper reported yesterday.

Ironically, data also shows that there will be 30 million to 40 million more men of marriageable age than women by 2020, with one in every five men expected to have difficulty finding a wife.

The All-China Women’s Federation released a survey last year showing that about 41 per cent of single women in China were worried they might not be able to find the right person to marry.

Only 8.1 per cent of single men felt the same way.

That probably explains why a higher proportion of women than men are paying Dr Li’s website to meet up with their matched partners, although they are outnumbered by three to two in his database.

This article was first published in The Straits Times.”

I will reserve judgment for now, but one bit of wisdom that Dr. Li imparts is that women have a much higher chance of getting a second date if they wear a skirt that ends above the knee. Yeah, I did not need an algorithm to figure that one out math boy.

"You are my Density"

Dating Advice, Online Dating Review No Responses »

Feb 282010

Being known among friends and associates as an expert in online dating, having used it personally and professionally for, well, a looong time, I am often sent links to new online dating sites and stories. Usually I am already aware of the site in question, but I was recently clued in to something called “Kou Destiny”. Okay I’ll bite, let’s check it out together shall we?

Part of Kou Destiny’s mission statement is to “create the perfect environment, the right ambience and special moments for you to meet your true soul mate or life partner, and surely have a fabulous time! As a Member, you’ll meet fun and interesting people with a big heart and a lot of integrity.” It is apparently run by someone who I’m told is a “socialite”. Well, la di friggin da!

Now, if there’s one thing I know, it’s that socialites are great at connecting with people on a deep and meaningful level, so this sounds like a great idea! Let’s see how one begins to take advantage of such a great opportunity. First, you have to become a member. Sure, what do I have to do? Just fill out the application form and pay the Membership fee which is “only HK $9,988.00 instead of $17,000” (goes to bathroom, cleans contact lenses, returns, sees same numbers still there, starts to become slightly nauseas). Well, maybe it’s worth it depending on what I get? Luckily for us, there are numerous links to various membership benefits pages. All say “coming soon”. Doh! So, uh, I am supposed to pay upwards of ten grand for undefined benefits? I mean, it’s 10,000 HKD, not USD, but still, not sure I am buying that. However, then I see that you will definitely receive the perk of attending a launch party at the Opera Gallery. And you will be required to wear a lace mask. I don’t know about you, but my rate of success in finding romantic partners when wearing lace or looking at all like Zorro has been disappointing to say the least. And if you are the kind of person who thinks spending 10-20 grand to go to a cocktail party in Central is normal, I promise you that you have already met all of the other attendees at Zuma, the races in Happy Valley and other similar venues in Hong Kong.

After traveling further into the site (it’s a shot trip) I am becoming certain that, while this is a legitimate service, it is also off the charts on the Delusional Rich People Who Think Hobbies Are Jobs Scale. Look, there is something to be said for having a sort of screening process to separate people who are serious about finding love from some of the cheap freaks you find on free online dating sites. There is a range of numbers that seems like a reasonable amount of money that one should pay to find a real connection online. $17,000 is not within that range. Order an escort, I promise you that they will be no less interested in your bank account than anyone you meet on Kou Destiny.

But wait, perhaps I am being too harsh. Let’s take a look at some press the site got from a magazine I have never heard of called Gafencu (misspelled on the Kou Destiny site, so I guess none of those membership fees is going toward hiring a competent proofreader). In an interview, the founder makes it very clear that “The whole idea of this dating concept is that it’s not about how big your bank account is or how much you earn per annum. Instead, it’s all about how you fit the Kou Mantra.” Ignoring the question of WTF the Kou Mantra is, I am going to have to go ahead and call bullshit on this because here are the qualities that she says you need to have: “ready to love, a big big heart, passion for life, sense of humour, positive spirit, wild wild imagination, a bag of laughs, and honour and integrity. If you pass on all of them, good news—you’re in.” I have only been in Hong Kong for a year and I know one thing: none of that is remotely true for people like this. Here are the qualities Hong Kongers look for: how big your bank account is, do you own or rent, how big your bank account is, where did you go to university, how big your bank account is, how many clubs do you belong to, how big your bank account is, who are your parents.

Look, if you are willing to spend thousands of dollars and think you are funny, passionate, positive and honourable, and still can’t find someone to go on a few dates with, I think you need to be giving your money to a personal trainer, plastic surgeon or therapist and not an online dating site.

Date Site Review: The Perfect Partner

Online Dating Review No Responses »

Feb 042010

I don’t like posting reviews that are too negative, a) because many sites have cons, but also pros, b) giving bad reviews of online dating sites makes it tough for me convince people that online dating is perhaps the best way to find that special someone. That said, I find little to like about The Perfect Partner. But, that’s not really a problem this time around because TPP is not really an online dating site, but simply a matchmaking site that happens to have a website. Hey, it’s not even a dating site, as they helpfully point out by stating that “We are NOT a dating site- we aim to enable life partnerships.” Well okay then, let’s have at it!

If you recognize TPP at all, it’s probably because you noticed their personal ads in the back section of a few newspapers. That is old school. I thought it was 2010, but I guess they forgot to update their calendars (or go outside) after 1985. Anyhoo, what does TPP do you ask? Good question.

TPP will start you on “Your journey to finding a quality international potential life partner begins by completing our questionnaire. Complete honesty is essential when filling in your questionnaire and will ultimately help Wendy fulfil your requirements.

Your full telephone number, including country code and city code, are required with preference for mobile phone numbers as Wendy will often text message or email before making a call to your mobile phone. Scheduling is usually carried out via email due to global time zones. Please take time out to check your email address is correct on the questionnaire.

Once completed, a private consultation will be scheduled with Wendy. Consequently, you should receive contact from Wendy personally within a seven day time span. If you do not, your questionnaire has not been received.

No financial obligations are associated with your private consultation. Wendy will establish an understanding of your needs, lifestyle choices and preferences. Additionally and importantly, Wendy feels this meeting enhances confidence between the two of you. A timescale of at least ninety minutes is requested for this meeting. All topics will be discussed in English and will be held in the strictest of confidence.

Wendy is available to her clientele seven days a week. She can be reached on her cell phones and email worldwide to listen, answer questions, or to assist you in making a decision about your life partner choice.

If your desire is to speed up this process, call one of our offices and ask to be put through to Wendy. On Weekends Wendy answers the phones herself, dependant on current time zone. You can also email Wendy directly.

The Perfect Partner requires a one time registration fee for suitably qualified international women, payable in her local currency (500 USD/CHF, 300 Euro/GBP). Suitable qualified men retain Wendy as a consultant and the prices of these contracts and length of time will be discussed during your in person meeting.

A completed questionnaire, multiple recent lifestyle photographs and a CV/Resume are required prior to a private consultation being scheduled. Should a professional photo-shoot be required, this will also need to be discussed before the consultation. A success fee is requested upon her cohabitation or marriage which will be discussed during the private consultation.

Escorts or persons in a similar industry are not accepted. The Perfect Partner does not offer dating services, nor does it make use of professional daters. We do not have relationships with modelling or casting agencies for the purpose of recruitment. Married men in search of companions of any kind or fortune hunters will not be entertained. The Perfect Partner prefers quality over quantity.”

Whew. $500 to sign up…for the women? That’s US Dollars by the way. I shudder to think what the men pay for a, get this, 12-24 month contract. Should you need two years to find a partner for the men TPP claims are so handsome, educated and well-off? That’s a rhetorical question.

Also, if you need to dedicate a paragraph to pointing out that you really don’t want escorts or fortune hunters signing up, well, I think you have a fundamental problem with your business model, to say the least.

But, why would fortune hunters be lured to TPP? Well, take a look at the profiles of their female clients and their male clients. We’ll wait for you to come back (begins twiddling thumbs).

http://www.tpp-worldwide.com/women.php

http://www.tpp-worldwide.com/men.php

Notice anything? Besides the fact that the guy in that picture could only possibly be one of the four men profiled. And let’s face it, not representative of I would guess, say, 95% of their clients?

And then, there’s this:

“I met **** a couple years ago and had a few of my friends join her firm. All of the introductions she arranged were so completely and utterly WRONG! She will take on any client for the MONEY. That is HER GOAL.”

And that was the nice part of a lengthier complaint. Although I believe that match making services can work, this mini-rant is indicative of the most common complaint. Ultimately, such services can only have a limited number of people available. So what happens when they can’t find a match for a client? Do they give them their money back and apologize for not being able to find the right “life partner” for them? Uh, not usually. What generally happens is that they send clients on as many dates as possible and pray that something sticks and hope that the guy that wants a tall, blonde, financier, fails to notice that he is only meeting short, brunettes with jobs in administration.

Ultimately, I can’t really give a grade to TPP, because it’s not an online dating site per se, but I’ll just say that it makes me think a little bit better of E-Harmony. I feel dirty even saying that.

Date Site Review: Hongkongcupid.com

Online Dating Review No Responses »

Jan 202010

If you’ve looked into online dating at all in Hong Kong, then you’ve probably come across ads for hongkongcupid.

In a nutshell, HKC “is a good dating site targeted to people looking to find Hong Kong girls for love, friendship, romance or marriage. They provide you with the bread and butter dating features: you can search Hong Kong single profiles, look for Hong Kong ladies seeking marriage, as well as chat, or find a pen-pals. This is one of the largest Hong Kong dating sites online and they have a nice selection of profiles and pretty responsive members. You can join for free and start meeting Hong Kong singles today!”

Yes, I took that from a website that insinuates that it is an unbiased source for online dating reviews. Um, it’s not. It’s run by a marketing company that simply wants to drive through traffic and generate as many clicks as possible. This is why you have me, to cut through the B.S.

That said, HKC is not a bad site and it’s legit, unlike some sites out there that have tons of fake profiles or are just sending you through to other sites. It’s simply unremarkable and not unlike most of the mass marketed sites out there. In fact, it’s owned by Cupid Media, who own about a zillion sites like Japan Cupid, Gay Cupid AND Christian Cupid, etc. Oh, and can’t forget BBW Cupid. Seriously.

There do seem to be lots of active members, as a search for people in Hong Kong between 27 and 40, who have been online in the last month, generated many pages of results. And as far as I can tell, they are all honest to goodness real people. One note, however, is that about 95% of the women are Chinese or other Asian origin. The men, on the other hand, seem to be a MUCH more diverse group. Black, White, Yellow, Brown, Green, you name it. Bottom line, there is a good selection of people on Hong Kong Cupid and you could certainly do worse on other sites.

So, let’s get to the price. You can sign up for free of course, but you can’t contact other free members or read their emails. So, if you’re really serious about finding someone, you’re going to have to shell out some cash. You can opt for either a Gold or Platinum membership. Gold will cost you $150 for a one moth membership compared to $200 for Platinum. What’s the difference? I’ll let them tell you in their own words.

Now, the prices are not bad, better than a lot of comparable sites, but here’s the deal. Ultimately, the only real difference between a gold and platinum membership is that you can send and receive voicemail and videomail messages with a platinum membership. Guess what? You do not need that. In fact, you do not need most of the bells and whistles they offer. What you need is to be able to send and receive email, so a gold membership will do just fine.

Of course, they offer a discounted sliding price scale if you sign up for longer periods. Do not do this. You can improve your profile and status by only signing on for a month at a time. How? Well, I know a couple secrets, but that’s the kind of thing I can only tell my clients at Hong Kong Hitch

There are still sites out there that I prefer to Hong Kong Cupid, but it’s generally not bad and probably worth your time and a little cash.

Grade: B

Online dating: Let's crunch the numbers

Online Dating Review, Uncategorized No Responses »

Dec 272009

We’re going to go on a slightly unromantic bent today and discuss some of the numbers that will hopefully convince those of you that are skeptical of online dating to give it a go. HKH first tried online dating back in 1998, when the Internets were just starting to really take off in the U.S. Was I too unattractive to find girls at bars or parties? I have evidence that suggests not. Did I not have friends that could introduce me to potential romantic partners? Again, no. Was I really busy and working in a law firm in the middle of night for months on end, with less time to be able to devote to socializing? Bingo! And I’ve found that that is often the case with a lot of Hong Kongers.

Let’s face it, if you’ve been in Hong Kong for more than a year or two, you’ve likely exhausted the possibilities of meeting friends of friends to get set up on blind dates with. Or, you’ve done it and it simply hasn’t worked out. Well, HKH encourages you to continue looking for dates the old fashioned way, but it also wouldn’t hurt for Hong Kongers to catch up with their counterparts in other big cities and utilize the Internet a bit more effectively. And hey, lucky you, you have HKH to give you guidance on what and what not to do when you dive into the online dating pool.

But, if you need a little more evidence, take a look at the results from a Pew Research poll that debunks some of the myths about who uses online dating and how well it works.

Pew Online Dating Report

Thinking you might need some help with dating in Hong Kong? Well,you are in luck because Hong Kong Hitch is here. Come visit us.

Fake Online Dating Profiles

Online Dating Review No Responses »

Nov 282009

Ladies and Gents, I’m sure you’ve sent out emails and gotten responses and thought “Huh? That’s (insert semi-famous person’s name).” Well, as much as we love online dating, there are in fact many fake profiles out there. Fakes fall into a number of categories, including scammers/spammers who want you to write them and then they’ll write back, saying that they don’t like communicating via whichever site you are using, so please just write to them at www.sexyeurosgirls.com or take a look at their web cam because it’s totally free! Obvious. Some are from people who actually exist but use fake photos or have mastered (or not) Photoshop. Do yourself a favor and learn what Photoshopped pictures look like. You will thank me later.

But the worst are the profiles that many sites put up themselves in order to convince you that there are more hotter women and men using the site than there actually are. Or, they’ll leave up profiles of people who have not been on the site in ages. Why? To get you to keep paying to be able to contact them. And it’s not just small sketchy sites. Nearly every major online dating has had it’s share of problems when they were staring by using less the honest marketing tactics.

In the coming day/weeks I’ll give you tips on how to spot the fakes. And how to deal with the sketchy billing schemes used by match, True, and a host of other sites. But let’s start with something simple. Perhaps I divulge too much, but I have in fact met and (briefly) dated women who wer models for Playboy lingerie catalogs amongst other things. This, while being very awesome and ultimately annoying, was the exception, not the rule. So, for example, if the girl looks like this:

it is quite possibly a fake profile.

And as with every post, I end with this:

A well known relationship expert, who is a rather successful speaker about how to land a millionaire, met her husband….wait for it…..wait for it….on an online dating site. Yet a lot of women paid about $400 HK to be told how to attract such men in the “real world.” Just saying.

Thinking you might need some help with dating in Hong Kong? Well,you are in luck because Hong Kong Hitch is here. Come visit us.

Date Site Review: OK Cupid

Online Dating Review No Responses »

Nov 072009

OkCupid is a free online dating site, focused mostly on the U.S. and the U.K.. However, it has a nice sized pool of users in cities in many other countries, including Hong Kong. Again, it’s free, so read on you cheapskate.

First of all, OKCupid seems to be the second banana of free online dating sites, trailing Plentyoffish in terms of total users. Where it does not trail PoF is in the design of its website and the quality of its members. The site design is much more attractive than that of PoF, who’s site seems to have been designed by some junior high kid during study hall. Not only does OKCupid look more professionally done, but most of the pages are relatively uncluttered compared to other dating sites, both free and pay.

This quote from the OKCupid site briefly sums up what they do, and it is a fairly accurate assessment of what you can expect:

“What is OkCupid? It’s a totally free matching service. It’s also extremely accurate, as long as (a) you’re honest, and (b) you know what you want. We don’t claim to evaluate you perfectly, but we do claim to find someone who claims to fulfill your claimed requirements, exactly.”

Your free membership will get you access to most of the sites basic tools, including quizzes and matching features, and sign up only takes about a minute. However, you’ll be asked to provide a lot more information later on and this leads me to another point. After I had initially signed up, entering very little information in my profile, I got a message from some guy named “Chris”, asking me about my experience so far with OKCupid. The real purpose of this email was clearly to politely encourage me to add more information to my profile. While I found this annoying, since many people do sign up for sites and take a few days or longer to get around to really fixing up their profile. So I want to say “Back off Chris. I’ll get arund to it next week.” But, I have to admit that sending follow up messages is not a bad practice for two reasons. First, they clearly understand that having nothing in your profile is not helpful to people trying to figure out if you’re a good match. Second, I think it’s also an attempt to limit the number of fake profiles put up by scammers/spammers who will generally just put a picture and a one or two sentence personal statement and wait for people to email them. So, this proactive approach gets them a bonus point from me.

Another plus is the matching system they have developed. While do use some algorithmic mumbo jumbo to match people, OKCupid’s is not as annoying and ridiculous as that used by E-Harmonot. In fact, they take a more facebook-like approach, which I find somewhat annoying, because FB is a constant source of irritation for me, but I have to admit it is not totally misguided. Essentially, they allow users to create their quizzes and tests in order to determine who might be a good match. So, rather than asking questions like “Are you a caring person?”, the quizzes are more likely to ask you what your five favorite movies are. Many people think that kind of esoteric information is unimportant. Believe me, it absolutely is not. Rather than focus on macro level criteria in order t figure out if you have the same life goals, OKCupid is more focused on letting you decide whether or not you want to go out with someone on Saturday and if you think you’ll have fun. It’s not perfect, but it’s an improvement over the methods employed by sites like E-Harmonot and Match.com.

Now, let’s get to the part where they try to get your money. OKCupid is free, and therefore ad supported. However, the ads are not too intrusive. That said, I still recommend simply sticking with the free membership. But OKCupid does offer you the option to get “A-List” privileges, some of which are as follows:

- using the site ad free

- attaching photos to messages

- creating public photo albums

- give awards to others members (wtf?)

- store up to 5000 messages (again, wtf?)

- send messages to members with full inboxes

- save multiple search settings

And there’s more. Honestly, it’s mostly stuff you do not need one bit. For example, If you are spending so much time on OKCupid that you have 5,000 messages (!), you need to get out more. And if someone has a full mailbox, trust me, they haven’t been on the site in ages. And do you really want to create a photo album?! But OKCupid is adopting the facebook model and running with it. The main reason I am not complaining too much about these upgrades is that the price is low ($9.95 a month) compared to other sites with similar options. And it’s totally optional, unlike pay sites where the “upgrades” are really essential in order to use the site effectively at all.

Some of my clients have used OkCupid for quite a while and the general consensus seems to be that they haven’t had a LOT of connections, but the ones they have gotten have been fairly nice matches. Many people end up on online dating sites not just to find romance, but to pass the time when they’re bored (i.e. supposedly working) and in that respct Ok Cupid succeeds as a way to kill time and maybe get lucky find your future ex.

Thinking you might need some help with dating in Hong Kong? Well,you are in luck because Hong Kong Hitch is here. Come visit us.

Date Site Review: E-Harmony

Online Dating Review No Responses »

Oct 122009

As I’ve mentioned, I have, for about 5 years now, been paid to help people work on their online profiles and they always ask me what sites I prefer. So I ask them which ones they have used and how they feel about them. I am being generous when I say that 9 out of 10 that have used E-Harmony have had primarily bad things to say about their experience. That number is probably closer to 9.5. It is ironic that their major selling point is that they match people based on 29(!) dimensions of compatibility. Ironic because that is exactly on how many levels E-Harmony fails!

First of all, the War and Peace length questionnaire is ridiculous because a) it’s too long, and b) I’ll fill out 500 pages of questions and you STILL won’t be able to nail down who I am and who will match me. What makes people click is often random and nonsensical. Trying to match people based on a model that some psychology dork developed to identify who’s a good match for you is ridiculous.

The majority of women I’ve dated would never have been matched with me, but we saw each other’s profile on whatever site we were using and decided that we were intrigued enough to want to contact each other. If you are going to online date, you need to be able to window shop and not let a computer decide to send you matches based on a tiresome questionnaire you filled out while killing time at work.

I have problems and issues with every dating site out there. But eHarmony is the Yugo of online dating sites. I am also a bit biter because someone beat me to the punch with a much better critique of E-Harmony’s process which you can find here.

I try to be as objective as possible when talking about the pros and cons of various sites. But with E-Harmony, waste your money if you want to, but you have been warned.

Thinking you might need some help with dating in Hong Kong? Well,you are in luck because Hong Kong Hitch is here. Come visit us.

Matchmaker. Matchmaker. Make me a match.

Online Dating Review 2 Responses »

Sep 212009

Sounds like a reasonable request. But the reality is that traditional matchmaking services are not so great at delivering the goods. While a lot of people have been able to find romance and companionship with traditional dating services, as well as online matchmakers like It’s Just Lunch, there are just as many who have endured the dual heartbreak of not finding a match and having spent a LOT of money in the process. I have two friends who fell into this category before finally relenting and letting me have a crack at their online dating profiles. This was before I was a professional profile writer, and their experiences were a big reason I decided to polish my talents and go pro.

Traditional matchmakers offer you what can be pretty well summed up by the mission statement of It’s Just Lunch. To wit:

“First, we will discuss the entire process with you over the phone and answer all of your questions before scheduling a confidential interview in our office. This interview enables us to carefully discern what it is you look for in a potential partner. We talk about what has worked for you in the past (and what hasn’t) and what your interests and goals are. If we determine we have the type of people you are looking for and you would be a good fit with the program, we will get the process started.

We hand select a person for you based upon the information we discuss in the interview. Our clients are successful professionals that reside throughout the Metro area. We can match you with lawyers, doctors, entrepreneurs and much more. Our staff members have years of experience and create matches based on personality, common interests, and physical requirements. Our service isn’t about video or computer dating; it’s about an insightful, professional It’s Just Lunch staff member hand-selecting matches based upon your desires, goals, motivations and our instincts.”

Sweet! Sign me up! Oh wait. A quick Google search will come up with hundreds of complaints that all generally sound like this:

“I signed up for this service the fall/winter of 2007, after being told by the rep there were so many guys for me she wouldn’t know where to start!

First they tell you how attractive you are and how easy it will be for them to find someone for you. I paid $2800, a “discounted” price. They ask what you are looking for, very specifically. I gave them a typed list of at list 20 items I had in my criteria, to make it easy for them. After I paid, they kept giving me guys that did not fit my criteria AT ALL. My friends kept asking what the heck was going on, was the matchmaker not listening to me?

They DON’T listen and they don’t care. You sign a contract saying they are committed to finding you a match, however long it takes, no specific number of dates. However… they just forget about you. It’s been 2 months since I heard from them. And the only reason I heard from them 2 months ago was because I filed a claim with the Better Business Bureau — so they panicked.

They immediately hustled and called me, very apologetic, begging to reconnect and keep working with them. I have had enough now and I’m going to file a small claim suit. They have not provided what they claimed. They don’t screen the guys the way they say they do. And when you try to tell talk to them, they argue with you and insult you and make it seem like you are not meeting anyone because you are either 1) too picky, 2) not what the guys want, or 3) or being difficult to work with.”

whoops. And then there’s this pesky lawsuit.

Doh!

Perhaps “It’s Just a Subpoena” would be more apt.

There are certainly better and more effective matchmaking services out there, but the complaints above echo those of my friends who used a Beverly Hills-based company. Essentially, the only thing they ever thought they had in common with the few people they were sent on dates with was that they had both been willing to spend a few thousand dollars to get set up on dates. Fail.

Matchmakers generally don’t have the time to give you the personalized attention you expect, nor do they have a pool of potential matches as large as what they claim. And even if they did, let’s not forget that you are putting decision making about what you find attractive in the hands of someone else. How’s that worked out for you in the past?

But, lest we leave you thinking we totally hate matchmaking, here are a couple tips that might help you make the experience worthwhile if you decide to try it out. These are:

1) They are going to ask you to sign a contract. And they will use some serious sales pressure to push you. You should push back and ask for a guarantee that you’ll get at least x number of dates each week, or within whatever time frame suits you. If they can’t do that, walk.

2) You should pick at least a couple of requirements in your potential matches that are set in stone, so when they send you on a date with someone that’s six inches shorter than you asked for, you simply don’t count that as a date.

3) Ask what kind of a refund policy exists if you’re not satisfied. They may counter with some blather about your tastes being so subjective that they can’t give you a refund if they feel they’ve done their part and you are not happy. Guess what? Not your problem. We’re talking thousands of dollars. There had better be a solid refund policy.

Oh, and did I mention that I hate lunch dates anyway? But that’s a rant for another post.

That said, maybe I am just too cynical because these two playful scamps are making me think about getting a lunch matchmaker myself!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=246kU3xKm2A&hl=en&fs=1&]

Thinking you might need some help with dating in Hong Kong? Well,you are in luck because Hong Kong Hitch is here. Come visit us.

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